Suspended

The theme was "body parts," but I had in mind painting a body being held in the cup of hands. I so want to be held, like a baby sleeping in momma's arms, supported so I can take a deep breath, let go and take a good long nap. It didn't paint out that way and instead we have a body suspended between hands, as if the energy flowing from them is what keeps the body afloat.
I feel suspended in the not knowing whether I'll have chemo or not, whether I'll have a reoccurence somewhere in my body within 5 years or not, whether I'll be able to get a job with health insurance when my cobra runs out in October or not, whether I'll have work this summer or not, whether Ezri will find a school that fits him or a soccer team that wants him or not, whether my arm will ever heal or not....and on and on. The dance gives me a place to move and breathe into all the unknowns and be with what I do know. I know have a strong chi, the life force that is still coursing through me with a creative energy that loves to be expressed through paint. I know I have a family that loves me and a community of friends that prays for me. I know I will survive and thrive and drive myself to do what needs to be done. That I will put one foot in front of the other and continue to do what I can for my boys. That I will emerge from this challenging time and see the gift that this life threatening illness offers; how to let go, move on, appreciate each moment and be grateful for all that I do have.