Mountain Countenance

I went with my friend to the oncologist to hear what the pathology report said after her lumpectomy.  It was a different experience to be the support person and not the patient, and I was overwhelmed with how grateful I am that I have family and friends to support me. It was a gift to go with her and offer my ears and understanding.  As we were sitting across from the Dr with his desk piled high with important papers and his walls covered with art from patients and his own photographs, I remembered how hard it was to wrap my head around the many scenarios of "IF this Then...." or "If this Then....".  Whether to have a second surgery to get clean margins or to have a mastectomy and remove the habitat.  He said more information is needed so he will send her tumor sample for the Onkatype DX test.  This expensive test compares your tumor markers with a data base of others to give you a risk score from 1-100 and  can help you decide whether you will choose Chemotherapy or not. I had a low score and choose to skip Chemo.  How lucky I felt 2.5 years ago and how I hope and pray she gets a low score...(plus she has beautiful hair :)  But when discussing the rates of recurrence and the probability of having it return in her bones or my brain, let alone a breast, I was reminded that Breast Cancer can kill me and now her. I know that sounds silly, because we all know women who left behind small children and great lives because their breast cancer went out of control, and we all know how a crazy gunman can take away your life with no notice, but it reminds me of the daily challenge to live in the present yet plan for the future. I am oh so grateful to have made it past my 53rd birthday and past my son's 17th and 10th birthdays.  Each day is a gift, yet I forget and get angry because the house is a mess or lights were left on.

This painting is from last year, Strong Like A Mountain, and I realized in the Oncologist office, that I can let the wind sway me, the water move me, the sun warm me, but let the mountain remind me that I am not going anywhere anytime soon.

Negative Space (sold)

Another friend of mine now has Breast Cancer.  She has a big job, two kids, a partner who isn't always on top of things and she financially carries the family.  I met with her in the park and we hugged and cried, remembering what an ordeal surgery and treatment were for me as she faces her own journey.   I remembered what Angeles Arrien had said in the Gratitude workshop...."focus on what IS working".  My friend texted me a few days later and said "focusing on what's working..its like working with negative space..it reveals itself if you avail yourself."  It's been said that you tell people things you need to hear yourself.  That is the truth on this one.  What IS working is there for everyone to see, but often invisible to those closest to it.  I came home embraced my family, and felt grateful to be able to support my beautiful friend.

Home from the Tropics

I took the boys to Puerto Vallarta over Thanksgiving to join my cousins at Villa Celeste, a beautiful home facing the ocean with a stepped pool at the beach.  We swam before breakfast, after breakfast, upon returning back from excursions, before dinner and then after dinner. I was a mermaid. The moon was waxing, the temperature was in the 80's and I could walk along the beach, watch the tide pools fill and empty with the rythym of the waves or jump in the warm ocean and feel the strong currents. I was relaxed and happy, enjoying the visual delight of the art and textiles.  We went south and took a water taxi toYelapa and spent another day climbing through the botanical gardens amidst the exotic leaves.

Upon my return, the theme from Eva for dance on Wednesday was trees...how roots go deep and have mountain countenance while leaves sway in the wind and are released.