Dance Medicine

Got back into my paint dance routine last night, yet almost ruined it. I mistakenly took a phone call right as I was leaving the house to go into the studio. It was my Dad's good friend, Dr. P, who at 82 has been an oncologist specializing in breast cancer for 50 years. I had faxed him the pathology report the day before at my Dad's request and he launched right into saying I needed to have a biopsy done on my right breast as well, but should consider a double mastectomy because cosmetically it would look better if done at the same time, etc. I was somewhat taken aback and said he was way ahead of me. I was still basking in my good news of negative nodes and Stage I. Long story short, he thinks Kaiser is over simplifying the pathology report. Other hospitals consider Individual tumor cells found in the lymph node as positive, and others consider cancer cells within 2 mm of the margins as "not clean" (Kaiser's standard is within 1mm) and maybe others stage cancer as an aggregate of the tumor sizes. The conversation was very upsetting and I had unintentionally insulted him, as if kicking a gift horse in the mouth. I was on a deadline.

In the studio I was able to let that go and think about the theme from Eva...one's body and all it's parts. Parts that you may be happy or not happy with, parts that may hurt or not feel right, all the parts that make up our body. I feel I need to make peace with the cancer that was in/is in my body, trust the Dr's processes and my own decision making, grok the reality of scars, bruises and poison medicine. I need to find a balance of reality and hope, optimism and pragmatism. My body balanced in peace, that would be nice.

The dance was just where I needed to be. I was able to drop in and breathe into every muscle. I was able to stretch my arm and ask it's permission to go farther. I babied it, to be sure, but I also let it flow with my moves. It felt fantastic. My dancing partners were sensitive to my injury and yet I was able to find my strength and groove with my usual intensity and passion. I even got a few fabulous spins in. Today I have way more range of motion with my arm and I feel great! Thank you Eva and the Core Conexion community. I feel loved and worthy in my dance, and with gratitude, it's seeping into my waking life.