Permission

Eva sent me the dance theme this afternoon, "The seeds of intention. When you intend something, then you help create it. The intention of Pleasure, Well Being and Wholeness." I figured the seeds of intention are in the mind. Pink for pleasure, brown for wholeness, blue for the gratitude of being alive in a body. I immediately focused in on "pleasure"and finally gave myself permission to paint breasts. As the clock was pushing 7:00, I added the fancy nipples, using gold shimmery paint and white, as if it were icing on the cake. So, in my mind, there was no doubt that these are breasts, but then a man at dance thought they were testicles, which I really appreciate. When I came home, my older son said I should start painting something BESIDES breasts for a change!!!!! and here I am feeling like I just gave myself permission to paint them for the first time! ....Like the Woody Allen movie when the screen splits and Woody is on one side telling his therapist that they never have sex, only 3 times a week and Diane Keaton is on the other side saying they have sex all the time, 3 times a week. It's all a matter of perception.
The painting was a big hit with fellow dancers. It amazes me that I can be reading the theme at 5pm, stare into a blank sheet of paper on the wall an hour late, shush my critique and trust that I can paint something, using my old smelly, dried out and cracked tempera paints. In a way I wish they were sand paintings, done with love and care and only meant to last a few hours. My paintings are witnessed for two hours,and then sit in the warehouse on a shelf gathering dust. And what to do with them when I move? They are so big. I really would like to have a show, I just have no energy to put into creating one. Where? to frame or not to frame? push pin into the walls? put price tags on them? print the greeting cards and sell them at the show? or continue to appreciate the extemporaneous value of creativity?

Tonight I felt like an artist with a vision, a calling, a purpose. I want to take two photographs of my girlfriends. One chest shot (no head, no arms, no belly) with naked breasts and one chest shot with a beautiful neckline. Then I want to paint a picture of their breasts and a beautiful neckline. The image can remind us to touch ourselves and remember that our breasts are sweet and delicious. They are designed to nourish and they offer and receive pleasure. I want to celebrate them instead of sexualize them, I want to honor them instead of fear a cancer lump in them. Some one at dance told me about organic breast oil, found at the Grand Lake Farmers market. You rub it in with your hands circling around on your breast 37 times. It nourishes them and helps you get to know their texture and lumps. I want to get some and start right away!