Backbone

8 radiation treatments done, 8 to go. Half way there. At Kaiser Oakland in the new building, there are two rooms each with a state of the art machine that we funnel into. The technicians set it up each time for our unique and very precise alignment on the table so the beams can be directed as engineered. An x-ray is taken each time on each side to confirm before radiation starts and everyone leaves the room and heaves the door closed. It takes 3 feet of concrete to stop these beams and within the room is a 1% "scatter" of the dose. I had a hard time visualizing how the beams could go between the table and my body, and I learned that the table is made out of carbon fiber and the beams go through it. You meet with the radiation oncologist once a week, and I asked for visuals to understand where the beams are directed, since they don't bend. He led me out of the exam room and into his office, saying he doesn't do this for everyone. On one of his two giant computer screens, I saw mind blowing images of my body in a myriad of angles, sections and a color pivoting 3D model. There were my heart, lungs and breasts on the screen and we could scroll up and down my body. I was assured that if any other tumors were present they would be visible, which was a great relief and confirmation that having breast conserving surgery was the right choice.

Yesterday I had a meeting at SFO and with the rain and traffic, was 45 minutes late. I had to wait 35 minutes as women came on time for their appointments. If you go at the same time everyday, you see the same women, so I got to meet a few new faces, or new cases as it is. There is a camaraderie I feel as we wait in the skimmpy generic hospital gowns for our turn. I instantly feel a strong bond to them even though we are different sizes, shapes, skin colors and stories, we face the same challenges. I am one of the lucky ones that got to skip chemotherapy. Thank Goodness - Goddess.