This painiting is from December 2010 and the theme was a challenge. Eva had asked, how can we have the light of awareness and the compassion to hold all of our parts?... the good, the bad and the ugly? I couldn't separate light from fire. I imagined it would take a strong person to hold the light or be in the fire and to be compassionate with oneself while looking into your own darkness. This strong man emerged holding an offering of compassion, while being inside the caldron. Here is someone so strong, they can remain calm and offer presence while standing in the heat. I feel in the crucible. What I have taken for granted is up for grabs. Nothing is certain, the future is unknown. Can we stay in this house? Shall I take the job offer and risk changing health insurance? Will my sons be able to stay in Berkeley schools? Will I move and start over in a new community, will I be able to afford to keep everything afloat? I feel so alone, yet I know it comes down to trusting myself, and you don't need other people for that. Painting allows me to practice trust. The images I paint onto the paper continue to surprise me, and that I can trust the process and not get in the way of the imagery that takes shape. As I view the painting during the dance, I can see myself in the vessel, with no way out except through. Paint paint paint. Tomorrow is Wednesday so we will see what the theme is and what emerges. My studio space is up for sale/lease, so it's days are numbered...another unknown.
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