Life just keeps on coming

I'm making calls, going out on appointments, learning all about a new company, fixing dinner, keeping up with my 3rd grader's anti-social behavior, my teenager's experimentation with alcohol, my partner's business struggles, my own schedule of dance, swim and paint. Wow, it's alot to keep up with and I am once again being challenged by my left breast. I had what felt like a bruise on my side, and although there was nothing visual on my skin, it has evolved into what the Dr. says is Mondor Disease, a blood clot that makes the vein underneath visible. It comes up my side and then into my left breast. Coincidentally, it was time for a mammogram and they have called me in for an ultrasound to further explore. The radiologist said with the scar tissue and breast density, it's hard to tell what's going on. Dr. ONeal says she feels a swollen lymph node and while I'm there tomorrow, I should have them ultrasound that, as well. If it seems suspicious, ask for a biopsy, although it could be from the blood clot. "blood clot" sounds horrible, but supposedly it's not the kind that could travel into my heart or lungs and take me out instantly. The remedy is an aspirin a day and warm compress. Since the two surgeries a year ago, my breast has all kinds of weird sensations going on. Now it is more than ever...psychosomatic or is something really going on?

Last night in dance I saw how easily I am blown off my center. The theme was "moving from the center line.... In a balanced state." I have always been easy to rock, and yesterday was no exception. I just wanted to cry and hit "start over" so I might do things differently, create a life that wasn't so full of stress. Yet I do know that it is not what the stresses are, we all have them, it's how we carry them. I carry them as big heavy burdens wanting direction and decision, two things that challenge me on the simplest level...like what to eat or when to shower.
I'm reminded of an inflatable clown that you can punch and it gets knocked over but always comes back to standing. I need that kind of resilience.
Again, the challenge is to stay present in the moment and appreciate what I do have, and not let the fear of the what might happen ruin my NOW.